I do not promote self harm or encourage it in anyway. I do not promote suicide. I am not pro self harm, depression, suicide or anxiety. I am in no way trying to glorify this kind of life or emotional state.
This is a blog where I write about my daily life. Sometimes the posts will be boring and sometime they will be exciting. I am 19 and from Canada. I will also talk about my struggles with Anxiety, Depression, and Self Harm. With those topics may come some triggering material so here it is the *TRIGGER WARNING* for anyone suffering from any or all of these things. I hope you enjoy my rants and if you need some support/someone who will listen or you have questions or you just want to chat I'm always willing. :)
I really just want to stay in bed. I made myself get up and take the dogs for a walk and I have to leave for work in an hour but I don’t want to. I just don’t want to leave the house today because I’m sad. But I’m sad for a reason that no one outside of the internet will understand (except Ty I think he gets it) so I can’t just call into work. I have to go. I just really don’t want to. I need a hug.
I will write about the following. Leave one in my ask box:
Dear person I hate,
Dear person I like,
Dear ex boyfriend,
Dear ex girlfriend,
Dear ex bestfriend,
Dear future me,
Dear past me,
Dear person I’m jealous of,
Dear person I had a crush on,
Dear [future] girlfriend,
Dear [future] boyfriend,
you’re allowed to like the way you look. you’re allowed to think that you’re pretty. you’re allowed to like the way you do things. you’re allowed to like your quirks.you’re allowed to do what you want to do. you’re allowed to like your music taste. you’re allowed to like a certain movie. you’re allowed to like your clothing taste. you’re allowed to be yourself. you’re allowed to love yourself. it’s ok. you’re beautiful and don’t let anyone tell you wrong.
So Ty’s grandma has cancer. They think they can beat because they caught it so early. So she’ll be in a treatment center for 6 to 8 weeks. And she has her 30 year medallion for being sober coming up. So we all booked the day off work to be with her for her celebration. Also because she isn’t going to have any energy when she’s in treatment and her husband isn’t in the best health either, we’re going to be taking care of their dog. I wish it was under different circumstances but I am excited to have another dog in the house. I’ve been wanted to get another dog for a long time so I’m excited that in a way we are.
me: wow I'm fat
me: maybe I look ok
me: I AM PERFECT THE WAY I AM
me: I'm fucking disgusting I'm losing weight now
me: I am more than just my weight!
me: who the fuck cares about anything
me: I AM SO FAT.
me: idk curves are beautiful i am beautiful
me: i hate myself
you do not need to constantly justify yourself. go ahead. eat pancakes. eat a ton at dinner. eat ice cream sundaes at 1am. take a rest day. take six rest days. sleep in. watch a movie. watch ten movies. no explanations needed. you’re allowed to be kind to yourself.
So things are finally in motion for Ty to get his second tattoo. He wants to get his family crest on his forearm. I got a hold of his aunt and she sent me the crest that Ty’s grandfather got painted after doing a ton of research about their family. So the next step is to take the picture down to Ty’s tattoo artist and get a quote then I can get the money for the deposit and we can get the appointment made. I told Tyler I’ll pay for as much of the tattoo as I can for his birthday gift. Hopefully we can get an appointment at least in the month of his birthday. If not some time in the summer will still be good. Tyler is really excited to get his second tattoo. I’m really excited for him! Hopefully it wont be as long as his first one. 7 hours is a long time to sit in a tattoo shop not to mention for Tyler to be getting a tattoo. So we’ll see what happens.